ASK BETHANY: Contending with co-workers
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Dear Bethany:
I took a job in the laundry at a nursing home when I dropped out of school. I wasn't planning on staying, I just had to work. Well, I really like it here, and when a job opened up in the office, I applied and got it. I'm so happy and my parents are too, because I can use my education. My problem is the girls in the laundry. They aren't talking to me. I think they must be jealous, but I don't know what to do. I'm not giving up this new job. Why can't they be decent?
-- Maggie from Massachusetts
Dear Maggie:
Congratulations on your promotion, and on formally entering the childish world of adults at work.
Unhappy and jealous coworkers can make life tough for happy and competent employees. Based on your description of the situation, there doesn't seem to be any reason for people to be treating you this way. I am going to assume you didn't brag or flaunt your new job, or put down anyone who is still working in the laundry, your old job.
When people feel trapped or inadequate, the easiest way to release their feelings is by finding someone to attack. Rather than taking responsibility for their circumstances, it is far easier to be a victim. Putting you down or writing you off, they misdirect their energy, which could be focused on their goals for advancement or self-improvement.
I just finished teaching a class at an area prison, and my students, who are inmates, talked about this very habit of blaming others for their problems. I told them about a gentleman I know with mental handicaps, who yells at the mailman if he doesn't get any mail. Being mad at you because you were promoted seems like the same twisted behavior.
Twisted, but understandable. People who don't believe in themselves, who have no experience with setting and achieving goals, can honestly believe they have no power or control over their lives. Poor self-esteem and a general feeling of inadequacy have them thinking they will never have what they want.
For your immediate situation, I recommend you hold your head high and keep smiling. I also suggest you investigate a bit, and discover who else in the building has been promoted. Why not ask all these employees to get together some weekend for coffee and talk about what it is like to move from one job to another? Could your group create a network of support for employees who would like to better themselves? Could you design a buddy system in each department, where one person is the contact for staff that wants to apply for a promotion?
Yes, it is easy to feel hurt and withdraw from your old friends in the laundry, but it the long run; no one grows with this strategy. As a compassionate individual, your challenge is to reach out to others who hunger for a better life, and encourage them to go for it. By pulling together others who have gone through what you have, you are taking the first step toward helping others.
In the meantime, dropping by the laundry on your lunch hour or day off with some homemade cookies couldn't hurt. Thank your former co-workers for helping you learn that part of the business, and tell them you hope you can help them with their goals. Remind them everyone is important in a nursing home, that all jobs are needed to keep the team winning. Friendships don't need to end because people switch positions. In fact, you can do a lot to improve communication in the facility by staying in touch with your old buddies.
And Maggie, as for promotions, don't stop now. Continue to look for new opportunities to use your talents. Maybe you can begin to take a few classes. Who knows? Your boss might even pay for a computer class.
-- Bethany
Dear Bethany:
I found your column (April 9, 2001) very interesting on the role of profits in medical, especially nursing home care. I worked for 18 years mostly with HCFA on the public financing side and I've been in the private sector for 12 years trying to encourage private financing of long-term care. Profits and competition are a great motivator. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a system in which everyone competed to provide the best possible care at the most appropriate level? But, we don't have such a system. With every good intention, government has paid for nursing home care for 35 years thus creating institutional bias, inadequate financing, and serious quality problems. Can't explain my reasoning here, but I sure hope you'll take a look at our report called "LTC Choice: A Simple, Cost-Free Solution to the Long-Term Care Financing Puzzle" which is available in .pdf format on our website at www.centerltc.org. If you'd like to get our free online newsletter called "LTC Bullets," please let me know. Thanks for your obvious concern and caring about the important issue of long-term care financing.
-- Stephen Moses, President
Center for Long-Term Care Financing
11418 NE 19th Street
Bellevue, Washington 98004
E-mail: smoses@centerltc.org
Dear Mr. Moses:
I became a licensed long term care insurance agent in 1997, precisely for the reasons you have outlined in your letter. I decided to focus on my writing and motivational speaking, so I am no longer selling insurance, but I still believe in people taking personal responsibility for their long term care.
-- Bethany
P.S. I invite readers to visit the website Mr. Moses cites in his note. He has long been a champion of this issue.
Bethany,
If the American public is upset by what they perceive as rationing by HMO's, I can not believe they would be happy with the government socializing healthcare. Until the Canadian government placed restrictions on their citizen's health insurance by increasing the price to astronomical level if they went to the United States for treatment, many Canadians came to our country because of the government rationing of healthcare. Have you been following the strikes that have taken place in Canada with the nurses, doctors and social workers in the last year and a half with the issue being money. I believe they have one CAT Scan machine per providence. I do not know the answer to the problem of escalating healthcare costs, but government run health care is not the answer. Just look at how poorly Veterans Hospitals and the Military hospital system is run as an indicator of what the future could hold with socialized healthcare.
-- Thomas Creager, Long term Care Administrator and Army Veteran.
Dear Mr. Creager
Thanks for writing. I am always thrilled to hear from readers. I don't favor government ownership of health care institutions; I agree with you that it is totally inefficient. But government regulated profit makes sense to me. What about the Scandinavian model?
-- Bethany
To send a comment or question to Bethany about any ethical, quality-of-life, or just plain human dilemma you've encountered in an assisted living facility, nursing home, or other long-term care community, e-mail her at
Bethany Knight is author of For Goodness' Sake, a daily book of cheer for nurses aides and others who care and co-author of Take It To Heart: CNA Solutions to the Staffing Crisis. Visit her website at www.tenderlovingcalling.org.